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Uplift Jeans Are A Downer

Once again I fell for lame advertising gimmicks. I purchased the Victoria’s Secret VS Uplift Jeans with Tummy Flattening Technology. (I know, I should not have fell for this; jeans should never be this complicated.) I’ve always wanted an ass. I’ve even considered plastic surgery for it. Then, I talked myself out of doing that. I started working out and got a firm butt, but still no “butt”. I’ve had people tell me to buy these. So I went to the website: Sexy is built right in with patent-pending technology: a special powernet panel in nylon and spandex with seams for shape, stretch for fit. Enhances your derriere. Flattens your tummy. Slims thighs so they look smoother and feel firmer.”

Notice the use of lady words such as “derriere” and “tummy”. Well, the powernet panel resembles creepy built-in biker shorts, talk about hot in the summer. All these did were flatten what little I have. You couldn’t tell where my leg met with “derriere”. The Tummy Flattening Technology resembles a wicked case of the muffin top. The technology is to resemble a pair of two sizes too small pants all while still fitting around the waist. I bought the rinse wash which did not look expensive at all. It resembled a pair of thin cotton Lee’s jeans that I had as a kid. There was no cute stitching, no rivets, very poorly made. The pockets were set very low, in fact it made things appear droopy. Anyways, I’m returning them and sticking to my classic Levi’s. If I want nylon and spandex then I’ll wear some Spanx. But, as my very sweet husband said, “You can’t lift what you don’t have.” Thanks babe, at least I have tits.

VS Uplift Jeans

7 thoughts on “Uplift Jeans Are A Downer

  1. I think you actually have to have a butt for these to work for you. I have a “bubble” butt and LOVE these jeans!

    1. Well, like I said. I have no butt and would be delighted to have a bubble butt, my dream. So, I guess these don’t “uplift” something that isn’t there to start with!

  2. I’m so glad I read these reviews,. I too am lacking an ass! Just pumped that I saved $$$, though. I guess I’ll stick to my Seven, Express and Levi’s. They seem to work the bet for me.

    1. I guess we can’t fake what we don’t have 😉

      I’ve found that pocket positioning is the biggest helper with an illusion of “bootie”. There are some great articles on some fashion sites that help with that. I had no idea that pockets played such a big roll. And yes, I’ve found Express has good “pocket placement”.

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