I’ve had enough cold weather and oppressive daily life, so I ran away to Disney World for a few days.
Growing up, I was never really a Disney fan. And I didn’t visit a Disney theme park until I was like 30. And to my surprise, I loved it. And probably for reasons nobody cares about. I’m amazed by their efficiency, planning and attention to all details. And their AI and technology! But, anyway. I like Disney for geeky reasons. Plus, I like Dole Whips.
I was one of those kids that didn’t really like Disney because the stories were too sad and/or I couldn’t relate to princesses. However, I did love the villains (my poor family). And I loved Fantasia (once again, my poor family).
I thought it would be fun while I’m away at Disney World to scent the villains:
I loathed The Little Mermaid as a kid. It was such a weird story to me that this teenager would want to leave everyone just to have legs and have to kiss some guy she didn’t know. How could she abandon Flounder like that? I was obsessed with Ursula, like totally obsessed because my favorite colors were black and purple. And she had those cute eels and the best songs. I must have been a terrible child, because I was totally like “Ariel signed up for that. You don’t go to seawitches unless you expect to lose something, ya know“. And I mean, she was based on Divine with a script meant for Bea Arthur. She is THE BEST Disney villain ever.
I’m being so obvious, but Ursula most definitely smells like the sea. So, I want her to smell like my favorite aquatic, HEELEY Sel Marin. It’s a briny aquatic that exaggerates the lightness/darkness of the sea. But, I guess Demeter Sushi could work too.
I KNOW that she has to have a bottle of Mugler Angel in her lair. Ursula is based on a drag queen and let me tell you, drag queens are always wearing Angel (or Aquolina Pink Sugar). And I mean, it does fit her. It’s a gourmand patchouli. Now that I think about it, Angel is totally a Disney Villain of perfume.
CRUELLA De VIL
This was the villain that I sympathized with that frankly should have made my parents send me to a shrink. I seriously felt bad for her. Like she was wealthy but so lonely and bitter. But, she was so stylish and had beautiful things. I felt like she was really misunderstood and there was much more to her. When I was a kid, all I wanted to wear was animal prints, so yeah, I loved her style. Looking back, she’d make a really good spokesperson for PETA, because it’s like why is this fur more acceptable than a dalmatian fur coat? See, Disney wants us to think.
I feel like this villain would wear any of these:
Dana Tabu – I feel like a fur wearing Cruella would be rocking the vintage version of this “hooker” perfume. The name fits. The musky, animalic notes fit. It works.
Chanel Cuir de Russie – You know that Cruella was either Coco’s BFF or her worst enemy. I just know that Cruella is the sort of woman that would straight up steal your signature scent.
Malle Carnal Flower – This is only because I’m getting Cruella confused with Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard. But, I do think Cruella would benefit from a really icy tuberose.
Basically, Cruella is going to smell like perfume-perfumes mixed with cigarettes and leather. She’s crazy but you must admit she has good style and you know she smells good.
QUEEN GRIMHILDE AKA EVIL QUEEN
Back in the pre-selfie days, the Evil Queen must have seen really vain. These days, she seems sort of normal once you exclude all the dark magic and trying to kill her stepdaughter stuff. The Evil Queen changed the game when it comes to witches and evil stepmoms portrayed in popular culture. She’s gorgeous, possibly inspired by Old Hollywood European beauties like Greta Garbo, Joan Crawford and Marlene Dietrich. She made the story of Snow White; all of the other characters seem so boring in comparison to her.
Dior Hyptonic Poison. Because, I’m Madame Obvious, OK. The apple, the poison…but the fragrance actually fits her character too. Honestly, I can’t imagine her wearing anything else.
Oh, how I loved her! She was crazy, but I seriously felt so bad for her. They didn’t invite her. That was shady. Like, don’t be shady to a person known as “The Mistress of All Evil”. That’s basic common sense.
I’ve always thought of Maleficent when I’ve worn By Kilian Liaisons Dangereuses. It’s a jammy rose entagled in thorns that reminds me of her spell.
Otherwise, I see a villain like Maleficent wearing a really dark patchouli like Roxana Illuminated Perfumes Fig. 1 Noir, which is the deepest, darkest patchouli that I know. I guess, I just see her in her isolated castle in the woods wearing some dark woodsy stuff or maybe a really mossy chypre.
My feelings about Jafar are really neutral. Aladdin was one of those stories that didn’t draw me in even though I thought Jasmine was the most beautiful princess of my youth. I don’t have much to say about Jafar other than you know he smells amazing as f*ck. He’s bathing in the most expensive roses and ouds and putting all of us to shame. In fact, if I could steal the hypothetical perfume collection of any Disney villain, it would be Jafar’s.
This story was about cats and a crazy cat lady (Aristocats) so I was all about it growing up even if some of those characters were terrible tropes. Anyway, poor ole Edgar Balthazar. He didn’t play his cards right and got completely written out of that diva’s will by his own brash stupidity. You know Edgar smells like a few splashes of Brut before he ends up just throwing that bottle back and drinking it up. He’s passed out in some hotel-by-the week somewhere.
Belle was basically screwed one way or another. She could be Stockholm’d by a beast or get with a jealous narcissistic macho jock. It was really some slim pickings in those fictional French villages back then. Gaston was one of those characters that was difficult for me. I hated him but I also sympathized. I mean, this woman he loved was in his mind kidnapped by a beast so he wanted to kill this “animal” like he kills all other animals. He’s a total jerk but it’s hard to not feel sorry for him. Only slightly sorry, but still, I felt bad for him. I mean, let’s blame the patriarchy for Gaston’s issues and move on.
You know Gaston is wearing CREED Aventus, because of course he would.
Oh, I can’t even with this petty heifer. She’s a passive-aggressive manipulator that puts women against other women. GAH, I hate her. She’s cold, she’s calculated and not suspicious. These are the sort of “everyday” villains that give me the heebie jeebies.
She’s so uptight and so “good”, that I bet she doesn’t wear any perfume. And when she does you know it’s something suffocating like Elizabeth Arden Red Door. She basically wears whatever some mean woman in your past wore be it a teacher, neighbor or strict auntie.
Most people have no clue who this is but he was that totally heavy metal demon in Fantasia. He was truly everything. I think he smells like LUSH Breath of God or something else that’s so huge and too intimidating for mere mortals to wear.
If Dr. Facilier was a “thing” when I was a kid, I would have been obsessed. There’s voodoo, hoodoo and fashion. His backstory was underdeveloped but I like him. He’s not that corrupt for anyone wanting to rule a city. And when you don’t have money, you get obsessed with money. With dance moves like his, it’s really difficult to not like him.
Really I can just scent him as the obvious which is Urania Sietes Machos soap, some orange blossom or Florida Water cologne and a vanilla Swisher Sweets blunt. I basically just described all my college guy friends and they weren’t him. So, back to the drawing board…
So, how would you scent these Disney Villains? If you could get a “celeb” perfume of any of the villains, who would it be? And of course, who’s your favorite Disney Villain?
I’m going to ride Haunted Mansion and enjoy sunshine, so talk amongst yourselves 😉 Oh, did you know they sell perfume here? They have seriously thought of everything.
*Villans are all from Disney Wiki. Nordstrom and perfume.com contain affiliate links.