PSA – Blogging is Hard. Life is Hard.

pug and computer

Today I was going to post a review, but I decided that’s not what I wanted to do. The past week, I’ve encountered a few minor things with the blog that have left me feeling really frustrated. They are minor but like a repetitive sound in the background, it adds up until it eventually drives you slightly mad. What was going to be a review of a new rose perfume is instead going to be a personal post.

I started writing EauMG in 2008, years before many of these niche perfume houses were even born. It shocks me that I can still write about perfume as my attention span with most things is rather brief. I typically have tumultuous love affairs with hobbies. There’s a few factors as to why I keep writing.

  1. I still like doing it. The day I don’t want to do it anymore. I’m not. I don’t owe the world a blog with words about smells.
  2. Perfumes keep being launched. There’s always something to discuss. I also missed perfumes because of these excessive launches. There’s ALWAYS something to talk about. I can talk about the old, the new, the trends, the industry. There’s always something.
  3. This is the most important number on the list – It’s the people. I’ve met so many amazing people through EauMG. I have made friends online and in “real life”. It’s not really the perfume that I love. It’s discussing the perfumes. I love the discussion and hearing everyone’s unique experiences when they try a perfume. I love to hear why a certain EDP is someone’s favorite. People have shared personal stories from romantic international travels to heartfelt childhood memories just because of some molecules diluted into some alcohol. Perfume has been this icebreaker and it’s been our bond. I also love the people that perfume attracts. You guys are a snarky, sentimental group. I’m so fortunate to have a relationship with you guys. And I think if I didn’t have the blog, I wouldn’t have. That’s the best thing to ever happen to me because of EauMG.

So, yeah, I like perfume. Saying that, there are times when I get so frustrated with it all. After 7+ years of writing, these frustrated feelings are cyclical. When I get these feelings, I usually keep them to myself. Sometimes I’ll reach out to a fellow blogger for encouragement or at least some solace. But today, I’m going to share my feelings openly. Why should I not?

pug and computer

I think the media has put into a lot of people’s heads that bloggers make bank. There are a lot of stories about people quitting their job to “do what they love”. This narrative really speaks to millennials and this is why the media jumps on it at any chance they get. Clicks = money for them! People want to read about Instagram “models” making more than they did as a bartender or about a woman with a DIY blog that makes more than her husband’s teaching job. People hate working for “the man”. They want to hear about people breaking free. But, the reality is that most bloggers are just free content providers. Bloggers are people that work a day job, go to school, have a family and have other hobbies. They squeeze their blog in because they want to. Many know they are not going to make money from this (other than like the $5 a month from Google ads or 5% affiliate links that they later go on and pay taxes on). Bloggers do what they love but that doesn’t mean they are actually a success of the modern mantra “Do what you love”. They’re doing what they love on top of every day life.

The above paragraph is a rant that could be made into a separate post. But, the point I’m trying to make is that I think a lot of people think bloggers make money and that their blog is all they do all day. And it’s not true for the most part. Yes, there are people that do make enough to pay their personal bills. I’m happy for them. They produce excellent content and work hard. They deserve it. But, even then blogging isn’t their life. There’s life outside of blogging. And I blog about fragrance. This is such a small niche. I’m never going to bring in enough traffic to make money by selling ads or having sponsorships. It’s just the nature of my niche and I’m fine with that. But, there are some things I’m not fine with. And that’s why I’m writing this today instead of posting a review.

This past week I’ve been dealing with life. I’ve been working hard at work (what pays my bills, perfume samples don’t) and feeling incredibly spread too thin. I’ve had to be a support system for a spouse who’s going through a lot. Our heating broke. There was a fraud alert on our bank account that has been a huge headache. Frink has some weird growth that popped up around his eye. This is life and I’m not kvetching about life (lie, I am). I’m painting a picture of life’s annoyances. We all have them. They never stop. Today, I woke up on the one year anniversary of my grandmother’s death. It was going to be a difficult day. I pour my coffee, I try to approve some blog comments before committing to my other obligations. And BEHOLD! There’s a tidy little collection of troll comments. These aren’t comments that disagree me. These are Jumbo Grade A Troll Comments. Yes, I delete them but it still hurts, especially when you’re feeling down and out. Comments about how you aren’t smart enough or pretty enough to show your face to the world. These comments are like the terrible insecurities that creep into your anxious mind at the worst possible times (if you suffer from anxiety, you know it’s all the time that you’re suppressing these personal doubts). These are the comments that I’ve tried to rid myself from since I can remember. But, here they are all typed out by some delightful stranger who expects you to be perfect because it’s the internet. And internet people can’t be real, right? Internet people are perfect and exist just for our entertainment. They must not have visible pores or ever use incorrect grammar. They’re perfect. They exist in the magical series of tubes for our enjoyment. It’s their job. And it’s my job to call them out when they display any signs of being a human. Right?

And then it hit me that all week I’ve been deleting ruthless troll comments, dealing with difficult brands and people’s unrealistic expectations. And I get sick of it. Life is hard as is. We have to manage and balance all of our different relationships. We have to fend for ourselves and take care of ourselves. The world is a brutal place, even when it is running smoothly and in “our favor”. And here I am, adding another thing to my life. For the most part, it makes me happy but sometimes there are days/weeks like this that have me doubting not only the blog, but myself. It’s extremely frustrating. And usually when things frustrate me, I find a way to fix them. And if I can’t, I let it go. I rid it from my life. Life is too short for unnecessary annoyances.

Saying that, I probably won’t shutter EauMG over a bad week. Instead it made me think about everyone that has been supportive. I want to take the time to thank all the readers of EauMG. You didn’t have to read this. You don’t have to put up with my glaring spelling mistakes, my Southern grammar or my occasional rants. I’m not some magical expert. I’m a person with opinions that posts them. I get it wrong all the time. Yet, you read it. Thank you so much.

I want to thank everyone that has ever left a non-troll comment! 99% of the time comments make me so happy. I didn’t realize how happy they made me until I get bitter, mean ones. I won’t take the good ones for granted again. Thank you!

I want to thank all of the brands and publicists that have reached out to EauMG. Thank you for sharing your products with me. I know it can be scary to “throw yourself out there” and hope you receive good feedback. Thank you for trusting me and not getting defensive with me when I use my own voice.

I want to let other bloggers know that you aren’t a failure if you work a day job and still blog. Keep doing it if you love it and know that people appreciate your work even if you don’t hear it too often. We’re not all going to be “famous” from blogging. That’s a delusional expectation in my opinion. Just keep being you. I know that sounds like a corny after school special, but I mean it. Be you. You’re not going to make everyone happy so just make yourself happy.

I feel a little better now. Blogging isn’t my job but it’s a hard job that I volunteer for. I didn’t do this post for people to feel sorry for me. We all have something going on. And we all know that InternetWorld is a wild place. So, that’s why I’d like to ask of you, if there is a blogger or vlogger that you appreciate, let them know. You have no idea what people are dealing with behind the scenes. You have no idea how many unproductive criticism (AKA TROLLING) they’ve dealt with today. And believe it or not, but a “thank you” can make all that hard work worth it.

And again, thank you!

*Pug from Shutterstock.


139 thoughts on “PSA – Blogging is Hard. Life is Hard.

  1. Your blog is my favorite. I understand performance anxiety and stress very well. I’m sorry about your grandmother. I think we are so lucky to have grandmothers that gave us a strength to go for what we love. I wish you success in your life (blogging and beyond). I don’t care for people who troll. It’s strange to me. Why bother? It’s creepy and weird. They have no life. Bullies.

    1. Thank you.

      It’s so weird to me. It’s so easy to ignore things and move on. And it’s not helpful stuff. It’s like some sort of generic line that they copy and paste in lots of blogs. They really are bullies. And obviously have more time on their hands than most people.

  2. Hello!
    Your post resonated with me but perhaps in a different way than you might suppose: I very much appreciate and am grateful for all the hardworking bloggers on the ‘Net. I deal with issues in life, as each of us does, and which you illuminated so well in your post….and I deal with those issues, many times, by reading interesting, informative and entertaining posts on my favorites blogs. I love perfume and makeup, too, and I enjoy reading what other people with similar interests choose to write about. Reading blogs on the ‘Net is fascinating and is a way for me to “connect” with people who I would never meet in “real life” and who have experiences very similar to my own — but most importantly, have experiences very different from my own. I live in a fairly remote part of the Western US and therefore have a completely different view of the world that you may have living on the East coast in the New York City area. It is very valuable to me to read about different life styles, different locations, different opinions and different experiences.
    I don’t post much on your blog — because I don’t always feel I have anything particularly enlightening to say BUT I’d like you to know that I check your blog just about daily and I read everything you write. I appreciate you!
    I’m selfish enough to wish you will be able to keep writing because I’d like to keep reading.
    Cheers ♥

    1. You’ve said it perfectly. This is why I read posts. I absolutely love that there is a crossover (fragrance, beauty products or books) of interests that unites people from all over the world. I absolutely love taking in the opinion of someone that lives differently than I do and has different experiences. I feel taking in all these perspectives really enhances my life. I’m always learning from other people. I’m also amazed by the talent that these “amateur” writers have. They write because they want to. They keep it fun.

      And thank you. I know people are reading even when they don’t comment 🙂 I’ve read a few blogs for years and realized that I’ve never once commented. I didn’t feel I had anything to add but I really enjoy their site. It sort of hit me today that they’re probably dealing or have dealt with stuff like this before and maybe I should say thank you to them.

    2. Thank you for this. I want to thank you for all the hard work you do on your blog. It was the first perfume blog I fell in love with, and introduced me to the world of fumeheads. (and in a roundabout way inspired my own blog a year later) I am glad to know that other bloggers struggle with balancing work and blogging. I’ve felt guilty about not blogging in the last month, but life happens. I have no idea why anyone would have said anything negative about your looks as you are gorgeous, but trolls gotta troll I guess.

      1. Thank you!

        And a big thank you to the work you do for your blog (which I realized is not on my blogroll…will fix that!) Life happens. And our lives are more important. Don’t feel any guilt. I saw this graffiti once and it really resonated with me: I’M A FREE WITCH AND I FEEL NOOOOOOOOOO GUILT. Words to live by 😉

  3. There’s a lot of disgusting behavior on the internet and I’m maddened by the fact that anyone’s dealing with trolls. However, it’s all the sadder to know that it goes on in this (and other) otherwise charming and wonderful communities that are mostly made up of people who just love the subject matter. I’m sorry you’re getting those kinds of comments and want to say that you’re absolutely good enough to have your opinions/face/etc. out there.

    I appreciate reading this just as much as I appreciate reading a review. It’s a good reminder that everyone’s dealing with hardships that we don’t always know about and that we should conduct ourselves accordingly. Keep doing whatever makes you happy!

    1. Overall, I think Perfumeworld is a great place. I often find that trolls seem to go to a really old post or even a post with a more popular title (like a celeb’s name associate with a celeb perfume). I think they aren’t “one of us”.

      It was a reminder for me as well. We get really involved in our daily doings. That’s normal. But, it’s also good to step back and remember that everyone could be dealing with something. Kindness goes far.

  4. I started reading your blog in roughly 2009-2010ish, when I was in high school (I’m six months out of college now), and have never commented before, which seems kind of silly. I love your blog and have learned so much from it. 9 times out of 10 when I smell or seek out a new perfume, I’ve read about it on here first. You are so thorough and authentic in your reviews and so fun to read, and your reviews have helped me choose some perfumes and cosmetics that I truly love to wear. Thank you for doing what you do. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to comment!

    1. Wow. Since high school? I try not to think about my age when I started EauMG 🙂 A lot has happened since then. Thank you so much for reading.

      I don’t comment on blogs as much as I probably should. There are many that I read that I’ve never commented on either. Many times I have nothing to add (which is a good thing).

      Thank you so much!

  5. PLEASE don’t let the trolls get to you. They are generally slightly disturbed adolescents with no friends and not enough balls to actually do anything with their lives. Making you feel bad means they win, they had an influence on someone and managed to make you feel as bad as they do. I won’t pass on my husband’s observations about what they should do to themselves, but it would be terribly painful. Please use your imagination on that one. I can hardly imagine how difficult it must be to wade through that crap every day.
    I have never noticed your spelling or grammar errors, which doesn’t mean there haven’t been any, just that they aren’t constant enough to distract me. If you wrote poorly, I wouldn’t read your blog. Your observations give me great pleasure, so thank you for carrying on with it.

    PS. You are lovely and have much smaller pores than most people 🙂

    1. I do not know how popular Internet folks deal. I really don’t. I like to pretend they have someone else sifting through the comments deleting and “protecting” them from this crap. And really, I hope that’s the case. Nobody needs that kind of negativity in their lives.

      Well, they’re there! It happens. I don’t edit as much as I should. And don’t get me wrong, if anyone sees anything, let me know. It doesn’t bother me. There’s a way to say it without being like “HEY DUMBASS!” 😉 But, it’s easy to miss stuff. This is a homegrown operation, not something owned by Conde Nast. It happens.

      I like pores. I’ve noticed on social media a lot of folks are blurring the heck out of their face. I get it. Filters are wonderful, but I think people are taking some of these trolls too seriously. We have flaws and if you’re showing me makeup I really want to see how it covers, not how the filter covered it 🙂

  6. I love your blog. I mainly lurk, but I think it’s great. I’m obsessed with perfume, like beauty products (a lot), and find your opinions and reviews to be really helpful. You’ve introduced me to some great stuff! On top of that, I like your writing voice and really enjoy the personality its imbued with. It’s fun to read, and dammit, this stuff should be fun! So thank you for writing.

    I don’t really get the reasons people troll, other than a lot of people are too lazy to try to have a positive affect on others — but really want to feel like they matter — so they go the cheap route…but I kind of wish keyboards would (lightly! just lightly! or maybe not so lightly?) zap them in those cases.

    I’m sorry about the difficulty of the week and hope the weekend offers some opportunity for relaxation. And I hope Frink’s eye clears up quickly! My dog had a hemangioma pop up last year (gross but benign, thankfully), but my first anxiety-fueled thought was of course “Oh my gosh, it’s probably fatal.” When anything happens with my pets, I’m a ball of worry about it until I know what’s happening.

    1. Thank you for reading and lurking 🙂

      I don’t understand people. I read stuff that I love and I’m too lazy to comment. They obviously get something from it that I don’t understand. And really, I don’t get too much. I don’t know if that is good or bad. I almost think it makes it stand out more to me.

      Exactly! My mind immediately goes to FATAL. Nothing else. There is no other possibility. Getting it checked ASAP. Little thing just popped right up overnight. And I shouldn’t Google. Doing that never seems to help.

      1. Yeah googling just goes straight to horrifying with medical stuff. Our Sophie had a weird melanin tumor that was nothing, and I hope that Frink is all better soon.

        1. NEVER GOOGLE. That’s my new lesson learned. Ends up he’s OK. It’s a little growth because of his overactive immune system. He has allergies. Both of them (Frink and Moxi). They’re lucky they have humans. No way those things were meant for the wild, lol.

  7. I second Katherine; your blog is my favorite. Your voice is 100% you and I appreciate your honesty in reviews. I’ve worked as a writer in online publications before and yeah, trolls are frustrating and draining. And deeply pathetic, frankly. I’m sorry you’ve experienced that. I’ve always thought you were courageous to put pictures of yourself online and show off your makeup looks because trolls do like to target women in particular. But I really appreciate that you do it. You always look great and I covet your lipstick collection.

    I hope that some of the other negative things you’re going through ease up soon. I offer my condolences about your grandmother–it’s so hard to lose people like that. I hope you have a chance to do something for yourself that makes you feel good. Thanks for all your work here.

    1. Really I’m surprised I experience it as little as I do. That says more about my numbers and views than it does people. I know many publications have constant issues and many are great at deleting those suckers before other people even see them. But, still it’s just draining. I know they are being mean to be mean and it’s not even me personally. But, still, it’s draining.

      I’ll be fine. It’s just one of those weeks. It’ll pass. And thank you.

  8. I’m sorry you’ve been having some bumps in the road. 🙁 I am a complete lurker but I read every single one of your posts and really enjoy your blog. That being said, I totally understand wanting to stop some days when it just feels like too much — the trolls, the expectations, etc. etc. And you have to do what ultimately brings you joy. I could never dream of owning 1/100th of the fragrances that you review, but I adore scents and have found (through your blog) that I love reading about them.

    Just to add my perspective, I actually rarely continue to read blogs once the author writes them full-time. Invariably they seem to become flatter, more homogenous, less full of life, and more sponsored. I really would much rather read a (perhaps part-time and sporadic) blog than one that becomes the author’s main focus in life.

    So, all of this is to say thank you for a lovely blog, and one of the few that I still read.

    1. Thank you for reading! I appreciate it.

      It does seem like with those folks that the pressure gets to them. They have a lot of expectations and it seems that they push some part of themselves to the back.

  9. I’m usually a lurker, but just had to drop in to say you’re gorgeous and your blog is a wonderland. So sorry about your wretched week.

  10. *Massive hugs* Victoria, you are honestly one of my favourite internet people and I only know very little of you from what you have shared over the years. I imagine many of us (your readers) feel the same and think you’re really smart, cool and gorgeous, and I’m not just saying this in light of your post, you really are awesome!

    Back in the day when beauty blogging was young I used to read all the blogs all the time, but now I only read a select few, yours has stood the test of time, because it is interesting, engaging and utterly charming, YOU are interesting engaging and charming.

    Not only that but I pretty much want to buy everything you write about because you write really well, anyway I just want you to know that many of us adore and appreciate you as a person and your part of the ever-growing blogosphere.

    1. Thank you! Thank you for encouragement for for reading and commenting. I know you’re busy. It means a lot.

      Haha, well I avoid beauty blogs now because they make me want to buy all the things. I still follow a few of the people in the “hit the pan” mindset because the others having me wanting me to immediately go out and buy something shiny and new. I realize now that *wanting* to is just fine, I just don’t *need* to buy it all!

      1. It’s funny, I have a massive wishlist of makeup stuff that I never end up buying because my wants are always in a state of flux, due to the insane amount of products that companies put out! MInd you I did spend some time looking at Nars lipstick swatches yesterday LOL.

  11. Dude, I love your blog and the way you write about perfume is my favourite.

    I could probably leave this comment after most/all of your posts but the lurker in me is strong….so please pretend this comment pops up everytime you post, ’cause I’m psychically transmitting it.

  12. I am huge fan of your blog. As a teacher and writer, I have the extreme pleasure and good fortune (but also stress and frustration!) of working with college students and administrators every day. My work does not stay at the office–it follows me everywhere–but at some point every day, I have to disengage from it. Reading your posts in my special treat that I save for “relaxation.” Thank you for your work!

    1. Thank you so much for reading!

      I’m so honored to be a component of your “disconnect from it all” time during the day!

  13. I have been reading your blog for 2 years now. I think. Time is weird. Reading this personal story of the travails of blogging made me feel good. I just finished an exhausting week of really difficult patients and I love that you shared the little stuff that adds up and up to make the perfect storm of exhaustion. I am bone tired. Reading that you are, too, and So eloquently was meditative and peaceful. I really appreciate that on top of everything else in your life, you take the time to share your opinion. I always find you so easy to read, and entertaining, too.

    As for negative comments that you have to deal with….I wish I could wish them all away. Life is hard, we should all be nicer than we feel.

    Thanks, Victoria

    1. Thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate it.

      It’s so weird how these things go. They do seem to add up. I feel like over the past month that everyone I know is exhausted. I think we all need a vacation!

  14. You are right. I had no idea that perfume bloggers were plagued by troll remarks. That is terrible! You know, I sometimes volunteer for activities relating to my kids’ schools or camps, and I am always surprised when other parents, who I thought were just like me, treat me like I am “the man.” Hey, I’m just doing it because I want to support the programs that support my kids… No need to be insulting or rude… so I can see how totally disheartening it would be to write something for the joy of it and to bring pleasure to other people…and to have some folks weigh-in with nasty remarks.. I’d be having a bad week too! I am so glad you wrote about this, because otherwise I would never have known. I am lurker on your site (“lurker” sounds almost as bad as a “troll,” but you know what I mean), and I am sorry that it took today’s blog entry to get me off my duff… thanks for the tips, the opinions, and the laughs!

    1. For the most part, it’s a really safe space! But, it’s still “out there” so anybody can come in.

      Thank you for commenting. And tell them that you’re “taking down the man from the inside!” haha. Oh, people. So many whacky people out there.

  15. I can totally understand your feelings but I hope you don’t give up EauMG, it is my absolute favorite blog and the only one I read consistently. So I am sending you hugs. I admire what you do and I I know from listening to the beauty youtubers that there are a lot of haters out there (do they have nothing better to do?) and all you bloggers and vloggers are so brave to keep putting yourself out there all the time. I have a blog that flies under the radar and gets few views and NEVER any comments which I find discouraging but after reading your post I am grateful and would rather have no comments than means ones – I am far too sensitive.

    Anyway, your posts are always a pick-me-up so I hope you keep ENJOYING it for a while longer.

    PS I have discovered, and bought, many perfumes recommended in your blog. I like your taste!

    1. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. It’s really encouraging.

      I guess people have nothing better to do. I feel like there has to be better use of that energy!

      I hope you never get any negative comments. Ever. I do think no comments would be better than getting any. The deal is that YOU SEE them. You can delete and not engage but you still had to read it. It’s really difficult to do, even if you know it’s totally BS. It’s still like “Why would someone do that?”

  16. I’m not sure when I started reading your blog, EauMG, but I do know why I signed up to get it in my inbox every time you post it. It’s good. You write with a clear, honest voice that offers helpful information on a subject I know very little about. So, thank you and keep up the great work. It’s amazing how many trolls exsist out there in the ether. It’s a shame their lives are so pitiful that they spend their time tearing down people who actually contribute something. So, when one of those nasty trolls finds their way to your screen, think of it sitting there under it’s pitiful little bridge waiting for the stray billy goat or three and hit you delete key, banishing the troll back to where it belongs. Thanks for the great blog. Be Well and Blessed.

    1. Thank you for reading!

      I don’t know how people find the time, honestly. That’s what amazes me. It’s like I read blogs and love them but can’t find the time to comment positive things! And here these people are with so much time that they can show up randomly and leave long messages. They obviously have more time on their hands than we do!

  17. Hi Victoria,

    I found your blog about a year ago and have been enjoying your reviews ever since. I echo the sentiments of the other folks before me. Your blog has an authentic voice and I find it tremendously enjoyable. So thank you for all of your hard work on our behalf.

    I must also add that you are a beautiful and intelligent woman so you must consider the source when you receive ugly comments. These are unhappy, disturbed people so I hope you can find a way to ignore them because they really are beneath your consideration.

  18. I’ve been reading your blog for about a year now. It’s rare that I don’t check it at least once a day. I’ve read quite a few blogs and yours is by far my favorite. But I’ve never commented before. When I first read your favorite masculines, I found I agreed with every one of your picks. I just recently picked up a bottle of Bel Ami Vetiver and I love it. Just as good as Bel Ami from your list. I’ve learned much about fragrances from your blog and it’s increased my interest in fragrances as a hobby. I had a pug for 14 years and will probably soon decide to adopt another after a year of being without my little friend. I grew up in NJ near NYC so it also interests me that you now live in the area. I’m not too far away in DC. Thank you for everything you write.

    1. Thanks for reading! You wear Bel Ami, so I know you have good tastes 🙂

      Pugs are the best. They are funny. It’s like they have a sense of humor. We blame all of their difficult behaviors on their Frenchie side. But, Frenchies are stubborn and a little “un-trainable”!

      DC, I’m jealous! You guys have the Arielle Shoshana boutique now. It looks lovely and like a great place for perfume lovers to meet up and discuss this stuff in person.

      1. I just saw this and am very happy as I had no idea there was a niche perfume shop not *too* far away from me!

          1. Just returned from visiting Arielle Shoshona – what a wonderful shop! I had a great time with Arielle exploring new-to-me fragrances, working on breaking out of my rose, rose, and more rose tendencies. Ended up falling for Noir Exquis by L’Artisan. And looking forward to returning cause some of the other ones I tried are smelling pretty darn good! So glad you mentioned the shop!

          2. Yay!!! Basically heaven in my mind is sniffing/sampling rose perfumes 🙂 This sounds like a perfect day to me. So happy that you went were able to go.

            I can’t wait to try Noir Exquis. Candied chestnuts? Yes, please. I actually was out and forgot to sniff them. I forgot that L’Artisan had launched those new ones. This gives me an excuse to go out and sniff again.

            I hope to get down there soon-ish. My great-aunt is visiting D.C. and I thought it would be a good chance to visit her and hopefully I can squeeze in some perfume site-seeing 😉

  19. Here’s to the next seven years! May they be filled with fragrant delights for you to share with us.
    To quote the B-52’s (and this applies to trolls):
    “When the blues whomp you up on the side of the head
    Throw ’em to the floor and kick ’em out the door
    When the blues kick you in the head
    And you roll out of bed in the morning
    Just sit on the porch and swing
    Sit on the porch and swing”.
    Thanks for being there. I really enjoy your blog.

  20. I hope your life, the universe,and everything are better soon.

    I read every post, though I rarely comment as I don’t usually have anything to add. Seven years is a very long time to be blogging so consistently — thank you. I would keep reading even if you were to post less frequently.
    What I most enjoy about your blog is your distinctive voice, your concise reviews (of perfume, skincare or make-up), and the seasonal/holiday guides you put together. I love the current cravings sidebar.
    As for trolls, I agree that they are bullies and love Meg’s idea of zapping keyboards. Or perhaps trolls should be forced to write a blog that other people would actually *want* to read, without receiving any compensation as well as having to deal with the trollish comments of others.

    Wishing Frink well too.

    1. Thank you so much for reading. And thank you for the encouragement.

      With all the technology in the world, one would think some brains could do this, right? I think it’s a good idea. Where’s the Kickstarter for it? lol

  21. I read regularly your blog for several years
    maybe now is the best moment to tell you what I think after reading each of your posts:

  22. People suck sometimes. They’re all so brave and bold when they’re online. I don’t understand what makes a person so nasty. Don’t let them get to you.
    If Frink’s bump popped up that fast it might just be something as simple as a bug bite or a pimple of sorts. You sound like me always thinking the worst. It’s hard when the pups have a problem. Right now we are dealing with Mel’s oral cancer. The tumor is getting bigger and it’s moved up into his nasal cavity. There isn’t anything we can do but watch it grow and make sure he’s not suffering. As soon as it seems like he is…
    I do love your blog and I often comment even when I have nothing to add really. Sometimes I sit there thinking why on earth did I just bother with commenting when I said nothing interesting but I guess I figure if you took the time to write it would be nice for you to know someone likes it. I don’t think people realize the time it takes to write a review unless they’ve done one themselves.
    I hope your week improves. Remember, your blog is a fun, creative outlet. Don’t let the trolls win.

    1. People do suck.

      Frink is OK. Allergy thing. These smooshies are allergic to everything. Like life. They are allergic to living.

      Poor Mel. I hate that you guys are dealing with this. Big kisses to Mel and hugs to you guys.

      It’s getting better. The good does out weigh the bad.

  23. I admit, I read your posts on Facebook more than I come to the site 🙂 I’m not a huge perfume enthusiast, I have my preferred scents and I pretty much stick to them. But I love reading your posts – how you’re able to break down scents by note, and essentially help us “view source” on perfumes. (<- there it is, my ubergeeky side)

    People get mean, ruthless, or even just unthinking. I'm not sure why, all of the time, other than they may need to build themselves up by pointing out how much lesser everyone else is. It's sad that they can't figure out how to shut down their own negative voice without trying to make others look so much lesser…because all they're really doing is making themselves look and feel less intelligent/decent.

    I've not only seen your face, I've met with you and spoken with you. You're a damn good human being. Ignore the hot-air blatherings of the emotionally craven.

    1. Facebook is now the easiest way for me to keep up with new blog posts 🙂

      You’d think people would think to themselves they could find a better a use of their time, but obviously that thought doesn’t occur to them.

      Awe, thank you 🙂

  24. You deserve a ginormous hug!!! (And I know you didn’t ask for it but I want to give you one anyway..:))..
    I thoroughly enjoy your blog and your voice and, as Suzanne once pointed out, your straight-faced humor. You are so funny!! I am nowhere close to how prolific you are but even I get how much work maintaining a blog with interesting content is. And you do a great job.
    As for monetizing blogs- I read a small set of blogs regularly and since none of them seem to actually make much money off of theirs(not that there is anything wrong with that) I actually didn’t know that that was a thing till I started searching for and contacting non-perfume blogs about the project I emailed you about (I owe you an email).

    I am sorry you had to read ‘trolly’ comments that played on your insecurities. I think you are gorgeous and smart and witty but it would be ok even if you always couldn’t be those things. Nobody can, though you seem to come super close ..:) . Sorry you have had so much going on – hope your weeks get better.

    1. And I’ll take it 🙂

      Thanks for reading and your kind words!

      I feel really naive about it. I didn’t realize it was really a thing either until I talked to some beauty bloggers. I was like whaaaat? My mind was blown. Like I said, I don’t think anything is wrong with it at all, but it helped me understand a few things…like all those f’n weird and random Instagram mentions for some Tummy Tea or whatever. I was like, “Oh, duh. They’re paid to randomly insert pic of a gross a tea here”.

      1. Exaactly!!! I feel so naive too. I had the same reaction ‘Whaaat?!’..and I came scurrying back into the arms of the perfume community..LOL. To be fair, some of those bloggers are very transparent when they do a sponsored post on their blog but it made me start wondering in general about ‘social media influencers’ – what mentions are paid and which aren’t ESPECIALLY the instagram mentions?

        1. I don’t even understand and I think I should. I’m like do you just get a stipend? Do you get paid per post? I will say as a blogger that is PR friendly that media/brands LOVE Instagram because of the lack of disclosure. With blogs and vlogs, you have to disclose. Instagram, SnapChat and stuff are in a grey area right now…and brands (and “influencers”) are taking advantage of this.

  25. I’m sorry that you’ve had to put up with troll comments! I am a long time reader, but I rarely ever comment. I really enjoy your voice and personality on your blog, and I would sincerely miss it if it were gone. I don’t blog because I really don’t have much to say, but I love hearing other people’s experiences. I came to your blog for the fragrance reviews, but I am hooked on the other content – candles, empties, life. As a fellow Southerner (SC to NC), please keep your Southern grammar and references! You express some of the things that I love about the South much better than I ever could. I wouldn’t mind more of them 🙂

    As for the trolls – bless their hearts!!

    1. Trolls, bless their hearts – my new mantra 🙂

      Thank you so much for reading! And for understanding the Southernisms 😉

  26. I always enjoy your perspective and your voice and I’m so sorry about the trolls. And isn’t it strange how grief is like an ocean wave sometimes, that just knocks you over?

    I second Gwyneth on the isolated Western town; mine is so insular that even 25 years here won’t make me a local. I know almost no one, and certainly no one else with a love for perfume. It’s always lovely to read what you have to say and sample (or buy unsniffed, I admit it). So please don’t let the trolls get you down–you’re a lifeline for some of us!

    1. That’s such a lovely way to put it. It really is. And it’s like you see it coming but you don’t know how forceful it’s going to be when it comes to closer to the shore.

      I really do love the perfume world and how it unites all us “weirdos”. In general, it’s hard enough to meet people in “real life”. And it’s even harder to meet people that you can have a meaningful relationship with. And it’s even harder to find someone with these sort of interests. Even though the internet feels like a Wild Wild West of a place, it’s great that it unites people like us.

  27. Ah Victoria, that you are so different and intelligent and witty, is the reason that I check your blog daily and I am sure those are the same reasons that trolls are screeching at you. I sense that you are used to beating your own drum and its why I look forward to reading you. I know it must be crushing to read hate mail but I like to think that it is validation that you are being true to your amazing and unique voice. I know thats cold comfort when you are missing a loved one and not feeling a hundred percent yourself, but I love what you do and am thankful that you do it.
    BESIDES you are gorgeous. What the heck is there to pick on?

  28. Great post, and I understand your pain. Condolences on your grandma, and hope everything will be ok with Frink. Trolls are very hurtful, but unfortunately part of the game. Nothing we can do about it, sadly. I love when people tell me to just *ignore*, but of course it’s not them getting the shitty comments etc. Take care.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement.

      You are so right. We’re the ones to read them. And no matter how hard we try to ignore it, it’s going to affect us. We don’t have to engage them but we see those words. And words do hurt. We know those people are bitter, angry people with nothing better to do but we still are hurt. We’re people.

      And thank you for all your hard work as a mod and writer. It takes a lot of time and patience and I applaud you for everything that you do.

  29. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a difficult week. Sending you some virtual chocolate to raise your spirits! hope that Frink will be ok!

    I always wonder who these trolls are, and why they’re so miserable that they need to dump it on everyone else.

    You’ve always had a wonderful blog, and you are one of my favorite perfume people! I appreciate your honest post as much as I’d enjoy reading a review you’ve written.

    Fondly yours,

    1. I want to thank you for sharing your creations with me since the “early days”!

      Frink is OK. He’s just having some allergies and reactions. Of course my mind always go to the worst.

      And once again, thank you!

      1. Thank YOU for being so supportive to indie houses!!! I’m ever so grateful that people such as yourself, take the time to share my work with your readers 🙂

        I’m glad to know that Frink is ok <3 I tend to be the same way, and googling things never helps that "jump to the worst conclusion" tendency. I hope it will be easily managed, and that Frink will get back to normal asap!

        I hope this week is better for you, and remember:
        "Don’t try to win over the haters, you are not the jerk whisperer." 😉

        1. 🙂

          Need this on a t-shirt – “”Don’t try to win over the haters, you are not the jerk whisperer”

  30. I think there is a strong chance that anyone who is commenting that you aren’t smart or beautiful either a) doesn’t know what smart or beautiful are; or b) hate what you’ve got going on because it makes them feel insecure. Therefore they bully to try to make you stumble, fumble, and lose what you’ve got. Just had to say that. But….yeah, you don’t owe the world this blog, particularly if dealing with the cons ever outweighs the pros.

  31. Victoria,
    Fuck those trolls! This world is full of negativity and somethings it can get on a roll but what else can get on a bigger roll is all the appreciation and love that you show to the perfume world and believe me it doesn’t go unnoticed! Good for you for speaking your mind and remember that you are supported in what you do and the content you write on your authentic blog! Oh yes and one more thing -Thank you!!!

  32. if you are the same Victoria, I loved your reviews on MUA, back in the day! Kudos to you (and other great bloggers) for your contributions.
    Easier said than done, but screw the schmuck trolls. Your intelligence and knowledge ring true to your readers and I raise my glass to you!

  33. You’re fantastic. I love your tone, your straightforward edge (which is never unkind), and your decisiveness. And you keep it real, which good readers appreciate far more than we care for the blogger who hides behind the curtain and pretends to be The Wizard. The trolls (flying monkeys?) have issues and will sling arrows at anyone in their path.

    Keep being you. Hoping this week is much better than the last!

  34. Victoria, as they say ‘don’t let the bastards wear you down’. You are a kind and beautiful blogger who writes about something beautiful, fragrance. The trolls must be nasty but lonely people if all they have to do is critique something both beautiful and informative. Don’t let them diminish your beautiful aura <3

    1. Thank you. I won’t. I have to remember that those sort of comments are rare. Like anything in life, it’s important to focus on the good and not focus on the bad.

  35. Sorry about your troll. But the questionable bright side is that this PSA just got you a new subscriber. Me.

  36. I can’t begin to describe how this post spoke to me, spoke about me. I do not know you personally but what I get from your blog is that you are a decent, sincere, passionate person. I have never read a spiteful thing written by you, which says a lot if you look at other blogs. Anyway, keep strong. We hear you and we send you all our good energy

  37. Victoria, I salute your honesty and strength, and have loved your gutsy, funny blog for years. Yours is such a unique place for perfume talk and connection on the net and many of us would be gutted to lose you. I have discovered so many special scents because of your bitchin’ reviews! Keep on truckin’ & squash those trolls, gorgeous. I’ll wear a big honk of Miss Dior (ORIGINAL) today for you.

    1. Thank you SO much for your encouragement. If the words weren’t enough, that original Miss Dior will surely push me out of this funk! Thank you!

  38. I’m so sorry! I read about your site on a perfume social site and am glad to discover your blog. Looking forward to reading your past articles as well as your future ones

  39. I’ve been reading your blog for years, though I suppose it is only recently that I’ve started commenting, and it’s for the very reasons you mention – letting someone know how appreciative you are of them, telling them that you admire them, that you respect them, that they inspire you. I used to worry that the person on the other end would think I was a cheesy fangirl or a socially awkward stalker, but now I don’t let that concern me in the least. If I think someone is brilliant, I tell them and I thank them for their amazing insight. If I think they are bone-achingly beautiful, I tell them that too. I think it is important to share these things, and I think it is so important to hear them. Like you said, you just don’t know what another person is going through, what they are dealing with, what kind of day they are having. Hearing something thoughtful and kind about yourself or your work from another human can be a wonderful thing in the best of times and who knows, maybe a life saving thing in the worst times. I never, ever keep my mouth shut anymore when I think someone is wonderful. And you, you magnificent creature, are absolutely tops.

    1. Thank you for reading 🙂 I read yours too and it reminds me that I really should comment more. It takes so much work and like you said, I always wonder if I came across as “weird” and that is ridiculous. I NEVER think that about people that comment here so why would people think that about me? This has been my new personal goal, to be more like you and not keep my mouth shut. I read and I like what I’m reading and I need to let that person know. They put so much into it. They deserve the positive feedback.

  40. I’m sorry it’s been a rough week for you, and troll comments are really pretty awful to deal with.

    I am really thankful for your running my favourite perfume blog out there, and I hope the next week’s a better one for you.

  41. Hi Victoria. I love your blog and I’m so sorry about the trolling. That really sucks and I used to watch you on youtube as well – loved your channel and I see you don’t do it anymore so I’ve often wondered if that was why you stopped doing that? Anyway even though we all know that these people should be doing something else with their time, it still cuts and can ruin one’s day. And yes blogging is hard work, and I didn’t really appreciate that until I started my own. And I do think it’s great to read varied opinions with a personal touch on blogs. And yours is definitely one of my favourites, actually maybe my favourite but I don’t comment very often sorry but I really love your content and your voice. I really value what you do and I’m sure so many others do too. Much love and appreciation from France x

    1. Youtube was truly the worst for comments. You WOULD NOT believe them. I hate it because I met some great folks through that platform but the trolls were actually really, really aggressive, threatening rape and other creepy stuff. It was INSANE. My anger with Youtube is that they are a platform that makes money from ads. There is no excuse for them to allow such trolling. I worked long enough in language processing software to know they have the money and brain power to work with predictive text enough to prevent people like me from EVEN seeing the abuse. They could block those people then and there…but they don’t. Youtube is irresponsible. Sorry for that rant. I just hate it because I like the video medium but don’t know how to keep the freaks out.

      I love all the different opinions and experiences with perfume. It’s amazing. And it really does unite people all over the world.

      Thank you for your encouragement.

  42. Well said.
    And huge congratulations for keeping going since 2008. I’m in my 3rd year of Odiferess and I find it much harder to muster the imagination and creativity nowadays. Apart from the outside life influences, the nose gets tired when it’s smelt so much bloomin amber this and oud that! Finding something delightful to write about is tough unless you are lucky enough to have PR companies showering you with samples. Even then, how many of them would actually inspire you to write?
    And the trolls? I work in mental health. I can only the assume the need to cower behind a keyboard writing vileness must be a symptom of a personality disorder!
    I’ve reduced my posts to about 1 or 2 per month now so that it actually means something when I write.
    Whatever you end up writing, be it masses of frequent wonderfulness of the occasional moment of inspiration, I’ll be reading.

    1. Thank you for doing what you do!

      I agree. It’s easy to get fatigued. Writing about perfume is actually exhausting. It’s nice to take time off. I think about that. I need to. Maybe after a month I’d want to smell another oud again, lol. I think providing posts that are of quality and that you want to post is more important than quantity. I think one’s audience really appreciates that.

      It has to be something. I wouldn’t doubt at all that it’s related to a personality disorder. I mean, it’s so odd.

  43. I understand your feelings and know too well how it’s sometimes impossible to shrug off some nuisance – even when you realize it’s just that. I hope you’ll feel better soon and life will again be in “our favor” – at least for a while, to give us a breather.

    Hugs, dear.

    1. Thank you, Undina.

      I also want to thank you for all your writing. Yours is one of the blogs I read and don’t comment on as much as I should!

  44. Only good trolls are the ones that are about 3″ tall with orange hair that stands up straight! Ignore all others! All other advice has been said above by others – keep doing the good work you do and sharing it.

    1. That’s the truth! Unless there is a shimmery jewel in one’s navel, then I don’t want to hear a thing 😉

  45. Please don’t allow ANYONE to rob you of your joy. I enjoy your blog. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there. This is probably the first time I’ve commented but I just felt moved to do so. I’m so sorry you have been disrespected.

  46. Ah, I’m sorry about the hideous trolls! I don’t understand that kind of unkindness. Yes, the internet grants anonymity, which makes people bold, but where does that instinct for unkindness come from? Your blog is brilliant and you are brilliant and beautiful! Cheers, Victoria.

    1. That’s what surprises me. Are people just always suppressing meanness? Because I don’t feel like I have that issue.

      Thank you! Love your blog too 🙂

  47. I beyond ADORE your blog. When I was working through the last months of my dissertation, reading about perfume was so healing. I feel like I have learned so much about perfume from reading your blog. I love your back catalog of vintage make up looks; my style is more toward vintage, and the makeup recreations are so cool.

    So sorry to hear about the trolls. I think that you are fabulous and beautiful and have such great style. I don’t get the Internet negativity thing. I don’t know how that could be satisfying. I am extra sorry that the trolling has coincided with the anniversary of your grandmother’s passing and the move and the stress with your husband and everything. And poor Frink! I hope he’s ok!

    1. Thank you!
      I keep meaning to do vintage looks maybe once every couple of months. I liked it. It was nice for getting me out of a makeup rut. But, I also liked making them work for today. I sort of stopped because showing your face to the world is intimidating.

      Frink is OK. Of course, my mind went to the worst. He’s just a little allergic guy.

      1. Glad to hear that Frink has allergies and nothing more serious. We give our 90 lb German Shepherd Allegra and fish oil capsules at our vet’s suggestion. I don’t know if there is something comperable for your little guy to help him.

        1. Looked it up/did a little research and we’re going to start trying it. If anything it’s good for their coat and pugs/frugs/my mutants have issues with skin stuff (it’s those wrinkles!). I take it. It works for me! And I don’t think it’ll hurt them. It’s worth a try. 🙂

  48. I love your blog, and how you cover a lot of other things besides perfume. I think a lot of other bloggers only cover high end scents and post overly long descriptions, that are way over my head. When I do smell what they are reviewing, it never lives up to my expectations. Your posts are perfect and never pushy, nor do I ever feel like I’m being “sold” which I suspect may be the case with a few other sites. I also love the fact that you review a lot of perfume oils that aren’t high-end. There is way too much hype over new releases that have great back-stories and very little substance.
    Hopefully with all the comments you’ve read, you’ll know that your blog is something we look forward to reading everyday!

    1. Thank you for reading! That means a lot to me 🙂

      And thank you for letting me know that you like the coverage of non-niche/non-luxury perfumes. I try to mix it up. This helps me to keep it in perspective and not in a bubble. Plus, I look at my own collection of things that I wear and it’s diverse. I like cheapie perfume oils and some of the designer stuff found at discounters. I think good perfume can fit into anyone’s budget.

  49. I appreciate real and honest bloggers like you. I value the hard work you put into your blog. I know most people’s blogs are not their primary jobs and it must be frustrating to get criticism and troll comments after you put in so much effort. But, I hope you don’t let others keep you from doing what you like and continue this blog as long as your heart is in it.

  50. I’m impressed with the way that you keep on writing consistent, high-quality, and creative posts, with a voice that is clearly you and makes your blog a place to be, not just a basket of content. On my blog I come and go and I dither and I dilettante, and I can’t imagine how very, very much work a blog like yours must take. Thank you for creating it, and feh on the idiot trolls.

    1. Thanks for thinking I write high-quality posts 😉 I feel like some are. Some are just talking about something that seems like it should be talked about.
      I think quality over quantity is always the best. And yours always is a joy to read.

  51. Echoing the comments above about the acceptable kind of troll! The jewel in the navel is a bonus, but I’d settle for one with good, vivid hair.

    On a serious note, sorry that things have been getting to you lately – seems that even without the blog issues, you have got a ton of stuff going on at home as well – definitely a case of buses coming in threes – or fours even – but not in a good way.

    I hope things level off and you get back to a phase where you are not feeling so beleaguered. It’s good to see all the nice comments coming through from readers to offset the bad eggs.

    1. Only trolls with mile high vivid hair allowed here 🙂

      Thank you! And I want you to know that I appreciate your writing and sense of humor so much.

  52. Victoria,

    Thank you for the thoughtful post and so much amen to it.

    As for the the trolling shit, WTF to that. My blog is tiny and unknown so it doesn’t get trolling but I still cannot believe the nasty moronic individuals who spend their moronic time trolling. It just astounds me the belief of these individuals that it is their right to write hateful things to people. I don’t know if you have heard this podcast yet but it is a whole hour dedicated to the issue of trolling and is really good.

    Anyways, I like your writing and like your blog, and the fools that believe blogging is how we make our money, well that era sailed away long ago. If you have a perfume blog it is simply because you have a passion for smelling things and want to discuss it.

    Best wishes for your frugs.

    1. People are assholes. OK, not all people they walk among us! That episode was a good. Thank you for sharing.

      And thank you for your encouragement!

  53. It’s seems to have been more than just a rough week for you. More like a rough year. Moves are seldom easy. Not feeling well is a drag and having worries over fur babies just makes it all worse. When I started reading this post my thought was “Oh no, she’s going to tell us she’s quitting the blog.” When you left Seattle I was a little sad-it is nice having someone comment on the local scene. But if you quit I would truly be sad. Several perfume blogs have stopped since I started following them. Things change, people get tired, they have run the course of this topic, whatever. So it was with a very glad heart that I read you were not. I was thrilled. Maybe I’ll see a column on the smells of NYC!
    And the trolls-who came up with term-it is so hard to ignore them. But do. I’ve stopped reading comments on some political blogs I enjoy simply because of the sheer hatred, vitriol and lack of thought. Come on people! At least put up some intelligent criticism or response. But no, you have to show the world what a pin dick you are. Well, keep it up bozo, because all you are doing is showing us what an asshole you are! See, I can swear too. They are small, sad and pathetic. And nothing is owed them but a quick delete.
    Reading this has made me realize that the readers of the blog owe the writer a response now and then. I’ve been lax here. You need to know that you are appreciated and your writing is thoughtful, helpful and enjoyed. You have interested me in things that I would not have sought out on my own. Thank you for writing.
    And the pores? Everyone has pores. If your pores are that much better or worse than someone else, than I have six right feet.
    Thanks, again.

    1. I’ve underestimated the stress of a move, for sure. When we moved from Nashville to Seattle, I don’t remember it being this difficult. But, we were younger. We didn’t have pets or jobs. Or maybe it was stressful and I blocked it from my memory!

      I miss Seattle. I miss the little perfume scene there. There are some great people in the PNW.

      I don’t want people to agree with me. It’s a medium that can be discussed. It’s just perfume and I like when people have something to add. It’s the hatred. People are angry and maybe they should take up a hobby like running or take boxing classes instead…but, anyway.

      Thank you for your comment. I know that you care 🙂 Sending lots of love back to Seattle!

  54. Great post. I think it’s hard to do something in isolation. There’s no one to sanity check you on bad days. I have that problem all the time. It’s so much easier to see the flaws than the good things. I’ll throw in with all the people giving you love in the comments. I consistently admire your style and your opinions have never steered me wrong! Erica

    1. YES! It’s when you do it isolation, it does put a lot of stress on someone. It’s a lot easier to put up with such things when there’s a team working on the same project.

      Thank you for your encouragement!

  55. I love your blog. No one else sounds like you. And I love seeing pictures of your gorgeous face. Solidarity against trolls!!!

  56. Hi Victoria,

    I follow a lot of blogs and yours is among those that I read most regularly. I don’t want you to be hurt in the slightest about comments about your appearance from misogynistic people who think that that women should aspire to be like dolls and don’t have the maturity to understand human beauty. Focus on your passions, don’t question yourself and just see trollers for what they are – trollers and not valid critics.

    Neyon x

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